Tunnels

Tunnelling in the dirt below my feet
I’ve been digging for weeks
carving this hollow so deep
Today, I hit bone

This is heavier work than I imagined
we surveyed the ground from beyond the fence
both agreed that this was right
but now this toil
is breaking me apart

As a new day rises
I’m crying in the shower
never knew I could feel this low
crying in the shower
with the taps turned up to ten
never knew this pain was in me

She works elsewhere, broken too
she rests elsewhere
with someone new

This is the lowest point
promise me, please let this be
the lowest point

She will undulate and warp
she too will dig her way through
and when she climbs out of her tunnel
she’ll be who she’s become
and the person I loved will be gone…

She may smile the same way sometimes
she may shout me some echoey ‘hello’
but the person I loved will be gone

As I hack away the earth
I pause, wipe my brow and grieve
mourning the person, the love, the way of life
that will be buried when this work is done

Everyone’s heart gets bloodied sometimes
I never thought I’d choose this path
never understood the way
the pain could grip you in your bones each night
as you work your way through the tunnel

Promise me
it’s on from here
out of this tunnel
my work complete
and back up again
towards the light…

[2009]

Thanks for reading.

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9 thoughts on “Tunnels”

  1. Just having gone through a breakup, this resonated with me. Particularly the idea of grieving for the person you knew in the relationship who will never be the same. Both my ex and I are going through huge transformations, and I realize now, how necessary the separation was. But this poem reminds me that it’s also necessary to pause and mourn for that moment in time, and for that version of a person, that will never again exist. Thank you for that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Alisha, thanks so much for you comment. I’m so pleased this one spoke to you as it’s a special one to me. The ‘necessary separation’ was very much where this one was written from. Somehow, I thought it would be easier than it was. I could feel myself changing and growing and I knew she would be doing the same and that moment we had shared was gone. I hope things are going well for you and it’s not too painful or difficult. In case you’re interested, I wrote a couple of others around the same time which you can find on my blog:

      Pull Apart The Perfect Nest
      The Things We Lose
      Our Home May Not Be Here
      Broken-Down place
      Sewing It Together

      The last one of those was written very much once I’d crawled out of the tunnel… 🙂 Thanks again, Tom.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Tom,
        I can thankfully say I am doing well, thank you. I feel lighter and more myself than I ever have, a good indication I’m finally on my path.

        Thank you for the suggestions, I will check out these other poems.

        I’m new to blogging, just started about a month ago. I’ve always enjoyed writing but just now finding my voice and writing style. So I’ve enjoyed reading your work. It inspires me to be more succinct in my writing. Say more with less. And it’s lovely to connect with and be inspired by other writers. So thank you. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m so glad to hear that. I often say, I wasn’t born until 2010… it wasn’t until after that particular break up that I became who I am now. Essential, tough at times but exciting and rewarding.

        As for the blogging, great to see you on WordPress. There’s a really friendly and support community here – it’s just a case of finding people and them finding you. Don’t be scared to make a noise to get yourself seen and use tags/categories on your poems so that people looking for a particular theme of writing will stumble on your work. I’m so pleased you’ve enjoyed some of my work. It still feels strange to me that these little notes I’ve been writing to myself are now out there for all to read… So, thank you! And I’ll be sure to keep an eye out for your work. Tom.

        Liked by 1 person

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