This must be my longest night
moon laying its heavy light right down
this room swims in all the gossiping
conversations; always imagined and impossible
This must be my longest night
fading echoes of all we did ring ‘round
there’s no sleep to be had, just counting stars
and scenes replaying; on the ceiling’s cinema
We found the jagged edge of love
it cut right across my heaving chest
as its hand slipped back into the mist…
We skirted the boundary of almost love
close enough to feel its gravity
near enough to have it hurt me;
whipped and cowed by its proximity
We found the jagged edge of love
it burned poker-hot across my palms
as it slipped from reach…
This must be my longest night
from the distant black above
comes understanding
slow and sweaty, but it fills me resolutely
finally calmed; released by this epiphany;
I wanted you
and, for a moment there, you wanted me too
but was it really me at all
or just the softly-stroking hand
of my words upon your ego
And did I ever want you
because of who you were
or how you made me feel about myself
in love with what I saw
when I was the peacock strutting in front of you?
This has been my longest night
tired eyes prodded by a heavy moon
with its gravities and chattering
and the echo of your laughter, before you disappeared
when all I could see
was the mirror you were to my vanity…
[2015]
Thanks for reading.
The Lighthouse 