Reflections of December

In the caverns of a King’s Cross bar
I quietly compose an opening
six months now, since our last meeting
I catch sight of my reflection
twisting in the half-full glass upon the bar
What am I doing here
set up for a disappointing sequel
It’ll never be like it was
at the start
it’ll never feel like it did
before

Festive cheers fill the bar
as my mind slips back one year
when my world was folding inward
intoxicated with the excitement of chances taken
and how I quietly spoke of my growing love for you
in the blurry Christmas air
I made foolish gestures at what I wanted
slid my heart across the table
waited with baited breath
for your reciprocation
and headed home empty handed…

Tonight is such a bittersweet evening
a reminder of how much I love your company
it hits me squarely, and for the first time, fully
how much I’ve missed you
But you’ve changed, grown up, matured somehow
wisdom where once there was only spiked humour
oh, as a friend
you’ll always remain a favourite
held out of reach by our history

It’s so bittersweet, our meeting
our reflections melt and merge
in the glasses that we drain
I’m still beguiled by your luminous beauty
and vindicated to know
what I thought I’d felt was honest
not pure circumstance, greed or opportunity
our briefest spark lit my world so brightly
in a way never bettered before or since
It’ll never be like it was
at the start
it’ll never feel like it did
before

Such a bittersweet evening
lit in the primary colours of December
you, grinning, purr ‘let’s do this again soon’
and of course I say ‘I hope we do’
When I cast my eyes across this year
it’ll always be your face
reflected back at me
when I look back from some future distance
your face will always be smiling back at me…

[2015]

Thanks for reading.

(A sort-of sequel to ‘Anatomy of Longing‘)

All my poems.

Published by

Tom Alexander

"Art is a lie that tells the truth"

18 thoughts on “Reflections of December”

  1. Tom! This is absolutely brilliant. I am almost speechless, but I need you to know how wonderfully this is written 👏👏👏👏 Your ability to communicate deep, honest emotions AND cause the reader to feel as though they are their own… is a skill you should be proud of. Bravo.

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. Ah thank you Secrets, I’m so pleased you felt it. I’d forgotten all about this piece and was pleasantly surprised when I re-read it. It was written more as a diary entry really. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  2. Tom, I believe your missing “it” in this repeated line “it’ll never feel like did / before” unless that was intended? Otherwise, this is is brilliant piece full of longing and bittersweet moments.

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. Ace! You always have a way making words feel perfect placed. These parts stood out me on a first read: “oh, as a friend / you’ll always remain a favourite /
    held out of reach by our history”; “Such a bittersweet evening / lit in the primary colours of December”.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thanks Benjamin. I do appreciate you reading and commenting. Another poem I’d forgotten all about as it was written as more of a diary entry than a poem, but when I came across it recently I quite enjoyed it. I’m so pleased you liked.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  6. “I made foolish gestures at what I wanted
    slid my heart across the table
    waited with baited breath
    for your reciprocation
    and headed home empty handed…”

    I really love this Tom. I envision myself at a similar table and my god…..how many times have I slid my heart across that table, only to end up empt handed?? More than I care to share.
    Such a perfect image you’ve created here that I can painfully envision myself there. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I’m so glad this part chimed with you. This poem was one of those that I felt was too personal to really mean anything to anyone but me, so it’s extra rewarding to know it might. I like that passage too but I think I could have phrased it a little better. Neither of us have really gone home empty-handed though, there are little slivers of wisdom and experience in those moments which inspire us and help us grow. Once the pain subsides… 🙂 Thanks for reading.

      Like

      Reply

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