Pen devoid of poems adventure long overdue living room carpet growing long in the tooth I’m pining for movement so keen to get out I’ll go walking down to Holly Hagg
Little glimpses at normality haloed by golden rays There’s no poison in the idle river no politics in the quiet horse cantering to another chew
The clouds of working day part while I’m out walking bathed in nature’s endless beauty which never disappears only ever obscured by thought or perspective Eased back into focus on the road to Holly Hagg
With every step I take the tension unspools And there are words, waiting ideas that come to me pinned to ancient fenceposts nestled in the cracks between the stones making up the wall that keeps me on the road to Holly Hagg
The walk becomes a gallop blood pumping in my chest body now loose enough for every step to be a dance I am light and free as I close the distance on my prized poetry and the generous view expands beyond Holly Hagg…
There’s no such thing as a secret spot in this college town where strangers are just friends of friends news travels faster than light Even in the dark they’re bound to see as we embrace before we could kiss word would have blossomed across town
These people live for gossip these people live for scandal I don’t want to service them and their rotten needs (by giving in to my own…)
There’s no such thing as privacy in the glare of these glass eyes tacked onto busses, buildings, banks Casually observing every action if you and I would dare to speak we’d be captured, saved and dated before we’d even finished in this mistrusting town
These people live for drama these people bay for criminals I don’t want to fold to them and their rotten needs (by succumbing to my own…)
We cannot touch in this post-code we cannot push the slightest limit there is no shade there is no dark corner we can dwell in there is no blind spot there are no closed eyes in this paranoid town
Perhaps you could meet me on a sea-front somewhere wet and in the torrential rain this country’s eyes will be blinking so furiously, that they don’t see the true, free love that flows in us and we may finally give in and we may finally succumb to our rotten needs
The house looks like a painting yet, we can’t agree on anything What I want is meaningless to you what you want remains awkwardly obtuse and unreadable
I play my game, aligning the pieces to get me whatever I desire O, the house looks like a painting but I never know what’s right too adept at getting what I think I need
Meeting an old girlfriend who talks of monasteries and monks as I count the freckles on her nose and wonder if she still swallows…
O, the house looks like a painting yet, we cannot agree on anything Is there an urge that we can harness and repair or just our feeble pushes toward opposing goals Two firm lurches toward different shores
It’s corrosive it’s wholly limiting it’s the only way we seem to know to operate
The house looks like painting and still we’re not aligned on anything at all…
You show me your open hand flash me your smiling eyes Say ‘come here, talk a while’ then you leave me standing in the rain
You hand me a note stained with kisses gift me a signed photo of you Say ‘have this, share with me’ then you leave me standing in the rain
I am such a fool I am such a fool for you I’ve been standing in this rain for three weeks solid now
You meet me at one of our old haunts loiter in the doorway of our youth Say ‘Thank you, so much, for coming’ then you leave me stranded in the rain
You write me such an honest letter show me even more of depths of all you are Say ‘I’m in need of someone like you’ then you leave me stranded in the rain
I am such a fool I am such a fool for you Either you don’t know enough about me or you know exactly what you do Give me another taste of all I want then pull away and make me wait again
This is torture I could do this to myself I don’t need you, too I am such a fool I am such a fool for you
Why won’t you open up and give yourself to me finally and fully As I stand in the falling rain soaked through I’m soaked through for you…
The plan never changed it was quietly revealed suddenly, this cell was just mine
Can I still grow? can I still change? I don’t want to be my father I don’t want to live alone
Another evening in another night, pushing everyone away All I need is a little space room enough to think a while write some lines a drink or two me; all too myself
But the more I take the more I die of this this poisonous time
And even on the odd occasion I go out and sit with other people there is nothing I can say to make them want me to stay I’ve focused every sense within this cell is me
There should be jokes, there should be smiles here! I used to be so good at this There should be humour, there should be such love! I used to be so good at this
But the more I take the more I die of this this poisonous time
Sometimes, we sing the wail song Sometimes, it never seems to end Get well soon and mend all things Some times never wants to end
I was kneeling in the garden, shuffling the leaves trying to keep nature in boxes Wind blows and wind knows I can never win my shoulders sink, I know I can never win
Sometimes, we sing the wail song Sometimes, there is nothing we can do tuck your head below the sheets and wait Sometimes, there is no sign at all
Sometimes, we sing the wail song Sometimes, we can’t avoid it Just push your hopes into a poem sometimes, it seems, there is no one who will listen
The waves rise over the railings, soaking me the shock, the cold of the sea’s like magic in that blast of reality, I achieve some clarity I’m not afloat, I’m driving this life’s direction
Sometimes, we sing the wail song sometimes, we get so blinded reach out and find a sure hand, it will come sometimes, we have to make more effort
It just takes time… you have to try take some time, do what you have to shed the song right off your body it just takes time, you have to try…
Years are piling up around us the shape we make get whittled more precisely Tongue and groove lock ever tighter I want to spell it out the way we did when we were younger I want to paint my love across his skin but I’m blocked before I try My body gets in the way…
The house we built swaddles us so comfy The nest follows our shared blueprints Complimentary thought in tessellation I want to speak this deep connection plainly The way I know he longs to Wash our busy brains for some short instant but I’m stopped before I begin My body gets in the way…
Not tonight, not any night it’s too much to deal with I’m told it’s not an issue but I can’t hear it I know the barrier won’t lift and no matter he says my body gets in the way…
I keep so busy with nothing much of note Living, eating, working, sleeping never putting pen to paper never pushing myself to reach for anything
I keep so busy not really loving anyone truly Wishing, wanting, lying, scheming never giving myself completely never really drinking in the wine of what could be
First her and now you The sigh forever Is all I ever do…
Whatever happened to childhood dreams To singing, painting, writing, loving never having to pay or earn anything never having to deal with the cost of living
Whatever happened to the careless caress Laughing, drinking, rolling, talking never being sure of the time or day never touched by anything beyond the bed
First her and now you The sigh forever Is all I ever do
Hello dear readers… Fellow blogger, Darell Philip, has nominated my site for a Liebster Award; a way of sharing and discovering interesting new blogs on WordPress.
Darell’s site is well worth a visit. He covers news, opinion pieces and poetry. Check it out, if you get the chance:
My prize/punishment is to answer some of his thoughtful questions and nominate other great bloggers. Which I’ll attempt below:
QUESTIONS:
What is your favourite book and why?
It’s very hard to choose just one, but the book I’ve read most is London Fields by Martin Amis. The prose is dazzling and every line drips with a cleverly constructed barb of black humour.
Which season (Autumn, Spring, Summer or Winter) of the year best describes you?
I was a winter child but since I turned 30, I feel most alive in summer. Autumn is easily the most beautiful and inspiring season though. For me, the new year has always started in mid-September and Autumn has always been waiting there to paint it so colourfully.
In the event of an emergency home evacuation what is the first item you grab?
My pet rabbit, she loves an adventure.
Which historical figure would you most like to meet and why?
Does Carl Sagan count a historical figure yet? I’d love to talk space, humanity and the future with him.
What makes a good blog?
I’m a sucker for a simple, easy to navigate layout. I’m here for the poetry above all else. So, a blog which recedes into the background and just showers me with delicious writing is what I long to stumble across. A mix of styles, quality over quantity and something which offers a bit of background or context about the author (even if it only helps to deepen the mystery/enigma) is a nice touch.
Back to the past or forward to the future?
I would love to have traveled the world before globalisation; perhaps in the 1960s. I’m already headed into the future and quite happy where I am thanks.
Your dream vacation?
I’d love to take a year out and explore everywhere in Asia, writing about the people I see and encounter.
The greatest movie of all time?
Very hard to choose. I love the poetic cinema of Polish filmmaker Krzysztof Kieślowski (particularly The Double Life of Veronique) but I think the film which ‘has it all’ (for me) is Being John Malkovich; it has big ideas, it’s funny, silly, serious, sad, sci-fi, eccentric and melancholic.
Wealth or health?
Health, 100%.
Your proudest moment?
I’m proud of my career outside of writing and I’m proud of some of my writing. I don’t think there is one moment which stands out though.
MY NOMINATIONS:
Note to nominations: Don’t feel obliged to fill this out or to respond in any way. However, if you find yourself with half an hour to spare… Why not answer the same questions that Darell asked me and repost.
Thanks again to Darell for the nomination and to all the great writers and bloggers out there who inspire me every day. Please do check them out!
Finally, here’s a little piece which sums up what I love about writing and reading poetry:
Why Poems?
Poems are my photographs my diary my inner monologue poems are my measurement my record the fingerprints of emotions invisible no more Poems are my expression the sum of interactions they show my working out Poems are the breath of lost lovers against my neck Poems are my kisses for family and my friends the hugs I seldom give
And your poems… your poems keep me company a little light calling to my lost ship I sip my tea and slip into your mind…
They don’t understand being beautiful, being desired They have no experience of anything but broken smiles inconsequential voices feeble phrases and frightened eyes…
Frightened eyes despise everyone, everything everyone and everything Frightened eyes consider lies the currency of choice to navigate the halls of hate down which they walk every day at everyone they pass, they laugh and everything they see, they secretly want, so badly, to be…
They don’t understand being youthful, being vital with no energy for anything but… vicious side-swiping venomous debasing violent de-throning and squint-eyed loathing…
Squint-eyed loathing seeping in every hour, every day every hour of every day Squint-eyed loathing the only thing they undertake to truly know deeper goes their insight into scared-shitless creeping feelings and everyone they meet, they mistreat everything they learn, they, in return want, so badly, to burn…
October shed its skin across these pavements Now, November does its best to wash the mess away We glide down the lonely streets of night lost in appreciation for the moody glow that guides us
You carry such a heavy heart this season what was taken brought you this blackness in exchange and so I do whatever I can to lift it up for you
This dance of conversation jig of gentle humour all my attempt to paint a more hopeful picture Ease the crush of grief that’s levelled by a cruel unfeeling world And gratefully I’ll give whatever part of me might dull this pain for you…
There is hope (I know you know this) There is a hope waiting to be held again in those gentle, loving hands (I know you know this) yet it feels so far away this evening
You are loved by so many (I know you know this) There is nothing but a pure, real, love and respect flowing through my veins for you (I know you know this) but I wanted to remind you in the hope that you might cease to feel so far away this evening…
What strange gravities compel you? Which strong seasons manipulate the focus of your mind? What forces are at work governing your silences and interactions? What are the properties of magnetic north that keep you so firmly held there?
Which habits formed into crippling routine Which once-cradled ambitions did you let burn away? What hope, was it you had, for all of what you started when you laid yourself beside her?
The peeling back of quiet moments… The giving birth to living memories… The quelling of hostile emptiness… All these oiled by flasks of brewed liquid…
What source of buried passion exists? What reason for the unbridged distances of family? What cold and clear window protects you from the warm interactions of flesh and blood? On what throne beyond the claws of love exposed do you stay slumped? And what reasoning hangs from these vague choices?
The flame is weak and distant the light is dim The star that shines in you kept hidden by clouds of distance and disinterest
What do you feel when you see me expanding here growing into your shape on this reflective surface? What do you think when you see me flexing skills that must have been learnt from you? Do you worry that shared talents means shared failings Do you think to warn me against their dangers give the gift of wisdom, just an insight or two is there more that I could learn from you?
There is still some hope for healing the withered roads that link our homes There is still some hope for forging a bond that will carry us into the future
O, but where are you and where am I to you? Where are you and where am I to you?
[Please click above to listen! Right-click and choose ‘Save as’ to download the Mp3]
Two lovers traveling two lovers meeting in the East
Their affair was letters inked and photographs Now here embodied will they know what to do?
She wakes him one morning, saying ‘let’s take a boat to an island we’ll rise above the Bangkok smog’
Bike beneath them spluttering her arms knitted around him they race from bay to beach chasing the burning sun with hair wet and smiles wide
Their shoulders lapped by waves she was beautiful sitting on his knee they felt married, waist deep straw hats wilting in the brine
He thought ‘I could hold you here forever I would kiss you until the stars pepper the sky’
Between the music from the bars off in the distance and the love dripping warmly from her words a song composes itself over the ocean
Orion’s Belt above them sand dancing between their toes they rest upon the rocks and she knows that she could love him he wishes this night would never end it’s one chance in their lifetimes between a blue night and dawn
In a stilted shack on sand her black hair spreads like ink across the bed longing dialling up their eyes as the air between them boils bodies’ voices blending
Two lovers traveling two lovers don’t know if they’ll meet again this could so easily have been the love of their lifetimes
This could so easily have been yet it existed only between a blue night and dawn…
Leaves of brown and green watching as the fire reveals a destiny for us flames licking their lips at the change of solid and tangible into smoke On a beach of melancholy teenagers destroying themselves for something that they can’t explain or focus on the big picture that is still being drawn…
Bottles of green and brown offering their joyous and deceptive contents up ready to infiltrate our consciousness convince us that the weight has lifted a sea of liquid to baptise our brains then we dance and talk of this rebirth forgetting all about thoughts of maths or progress the new beginning we’ve been dreaming of…
Leaves of brown are falling in the sunrise but day reveals that gravity has won again our heavy heads are hard to lift now and the breaking waves outside sing loud A song of measured secrets that expose themselves a beautiful harmony of movement the moon under which we slept last night brings them to us with it’s strong will
Bottles of green bloom in the sand empty shells left behind from the war we fought the best we could all night and momentarily there was a surrender a decoy that we fell for too easily now, in the morning light, it’s obvious the horizon arcs itself out before us a new beginning comes every day a new beginning is ours every day…
I don’t write them like I used to they’re not carved out of my bone the way they used to be
I don’t bleed over the carpet in some mouldy rented bathroom like I used to
They used to say it was the angst that drove me some mild flair for painting what had pained me but you have to make peace eventually I don’t know what is driving this anymore
At the end of that final line there’s an ellipsis at the end of all I said there’s an ellipsis saying so much more than I
Now, I don’t sweat it out in twisted sheets with cramped heart and cracked beliefs surrendering my barbed emotions like a flag the way I used to
I don’t tap that vein of pure unfocused bile don’t let it gush across the front row of my imagined audience they don’t say much about my unbridled verse these days like they used to
At the end of every poem there’s an ellipsis at the end of all I said there’s an ellipsis dragging on and on
