These paths we walk grounded by responsibility well-worn routine practiced intimacy I could only smile when you whispered in my ear ‘Take me away from this take me anywhere but here’
Living in the moment it’s all we know to do as you pepper my shoulder with kisses my fingers explore every inch of you You said ‘the world is a minibar cold and empty but now we’re blessed by this heat tonight, we’ve broken free’
You’re biting my shoulders as I worship at your chest real life left at the door shed like the straps of your dress Then you’re climbing over me and I taste it on my knees every drop is so addictive just like you said it would be
The way you bite your lip and your softly closing eyes when I gently twist my hip as I bring myself inside My thumb is in your mouth measuring the pleasure It’s a holy hell in this airport hotel
Those moans are low until they’re as high and loud as the planes above it’s a rush, it’s a ride to any escape that pleases us…
How good it must feel as you stretch out in the sun The relief of open-handedly letting go Said your goodbyes moved to the other side of the world
Now, you unwind top down a breeze coming off the sea the sun on your back driving up the Great Ocean Road
How I know that you deserve this the unfolding grace of living free no longer working to repair something All new, all you again with fertile thoughts blossoming as the past is blown away charring in the sunset and life has you smiling again hurtling up the Great Ocean Road
Such vast happiness at last lit by the campfire light at the end of the day the two of you together under canvass And what joy is lurking there sparkling in your mind hand in hand as the sun rises again and you’re flying up the Great Ocean Road
How powerfully the image of your happiness comes to me The horizon stretching out that beautiful blue expanse beside you speeding up the Great Ocean Road
Once all our honey has been spread once the little moments are learned by heart routine a debt that stalks our steps and suggestions nag more than they ought then the waiting boat will take me to a wooden shack by the ocean and there, I’ll start again, alone
Once your touch no longer prickles once our conversations are to walls not through them no sound but a ticking house that counts us down and my advice is not heard or welcome then the waiting car will take me a handsome driver spurned from some vintage memory and there, I’ll start again, without you
But darling, until that time, I’ll stay right here Darling, until that time, I’m yours yet to discover unwrap me, keep unwrapping me
Once the laughter seems decades dead once each tick feels designed to grate the breath of each day too thick to breathe and nowhere left to sit in peace then the waiting boat will take me to a beach shack by the pale ocean and there, I’ll find my youth again, alone
Once your rough hands feel me no more once all the years of the love add up to nought in a clockwork life that subtracts our bodies If every word becomes functional but formless then the waiting car will steal me caught in the still bright eyes of its reckless driver and there, I’ll find all that’s lacking, without you
But darling, until that time, please stay right here Darling, until that time, I’m yours, taste every mouthful unwrap me, keep unwrapping me
The waiting boat can wait a while longer That idling engine will have to wait a good while longer…
[2021]
Thanks for reading.
Based on a conversation about the little things people tell themselves to navigate difficult or uncertain relationships.
I have ruined what I’ve loved I’ve been ruined by my loves and now all that remains is tainted and unlovable I am tainted and unlovable It’s time for a change…
Cold eyes look out upon a frozen town icy streets tripping over themselves to keep us indoors but the boundaries of this house are closing in and the sound of other voices is so appealing If only I could hear them now if only I could fill this space with people
I have ruined all I’ve loved I’ve been ruined too, in my loving and now all that I want differs so greatly from what it is I really need What I really need is saving from myself and these ruinous ways it’s time for change…
Old eyes could look out in years to come across a town so unexplored and inexperienced they might peer through that same pretty glass wishing they’d seen more things first-hand If only I could see it now if only I could fill passed time with places
I have ruined all I’ve loved I’ve been ruined through my love broken hearts at least force new growth staid hearts grow their roots too deep moss clawing all over them, all over me it’s time for a change…
This town still calls to me through our dusty windows and I look, so longingly it still offers out its hand from time to time and smiles ‘Don’t let this opportunity pass you by it comes just once in a lifetime… you have… but one lifetime…’
But I have ruined what I love been ruined by my lover now, there’s just ash where the fires used to burn Now, there’s just dust where our skin used to prickle now, there are just silences where our words once dripped in love
And every day the outside world swells in its appeal and every day the outside world multiplies its pull on me Each morning, I wake one step closer to making that leap If only I could fill passed time with faces if only I could find the door…
There is a place I’ve kept it secret where answers come before the question and what is made must be undone a place where love will follow heartbreak a place where life begins in sadness I go there to forget… I go there to forget everything…
So, kiss me… Kiss me in the rainbow calming water electric lips to shock it out of me strip the corruption from my eyes tell me it’s not true, it isn’t real I go there to unravel… I go there to untangle everything…
There is a place where waves lap back out to sea to go there is to come back regressed shrunken, out of time it helps to watch the rain form and fall into the sky knowing everything is being erased I go there to come back… I go there to come back to everything…
So, drown me… Drown me in the rainbow fizzy water burning lips to scold it out of me scratch the images from my heart tell me it’s not truth, it isn’t real I go there to unravel… I go there to untangle everything…
I get out of joint, dislocate my head slip out of time I go there to forget I go there to forget everything but I can never, really forget I can never get away and I come back back to everything
The Lighthouse 