Remembering dim rooms hushed conversation whispering those compliments almost embarrassed trying to communicate the reverence the pure weight of all this feeling wading so deep in love
Ah, they’re only moments…
Remembering falling rain buried in each other’s coats kissing through smiles desire whilst laughing being perfectly overwhelmed by someone the greatness that is all-consuming swallowed so deeply by love
They’re only moments so missing so missed
Today is bright, today is dry ah, but to feel again that feeling to feel again the deepest drowning of love the greatest feeling
Those moments only moments so missed so missing from my life…
Remember when we kissed all night in taxis bar booths theatres in takeaways phone-boxes queues in fields on cliff-tops white sands in crowds in ostentatious style with absolute certainty standing in rivers rolling on haystacks in tents in love…
To lose ourselves in kisses was all we ever wanted ‘lose yourself in kisses’ that’s all we ever whispered
Do you remember the last time we kissed anywhere anywhere at all…
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Her fingers tracing mine Lily danced me out of the garden those green eyes brimming lively with purest abandon Then barefoot on the boardwalk her summer dress riding high she leapt onto the jetty and gestured to the sky
We let our tanned legs hang below as we bottomed up the bottle the air was hot and heavy the sea around us peaceful There was lust upon our minds as a veil upon a bride the deepest searing truths politely shot between our eyes
And no man could deny us loose and open all the time our hands and fingers; wanderers tongues locked in a rhyme By the spit between those kisses our burning lips were sewn her dress was barely there my body carved from stone
With each nail driven into skin I felt a clapping thunder the temple tapestry was tearing as she pierced my thin armour A melody sung upon her voice a lyric loudly grows I’d have gladly turned my back on all that I held close
We could have traveled every sea taking turns to lead the way if only if only she’d have asked me if only I’d thought to stay…
Dusk light falling on the harbour the day became a dream with toes curled round the boards she danced me to my feet in one movement I was shirtless in another she was naked a smiling glance was shared as we leapt with fingers knitted
Our kisses painted salty lungs burning between breaths the solution we had longed for as our bodies coalesced We swam until our limbs ached then floated side by side in the moonlit wideness of her eyes; another world, I spied
I was so thirsty for the moment and drank it all too quickly my mind got blurred and cloudy my greatest drunken folly Too naive to know the value of the treasure in my grip like sand through careless fingers I stood and watched it slip
There was water on three sides and only one path back to land but somewhere on that journey I somehow lost her hand Now, I wonder if she thinks of us a moment spared for all we shared does she ever sit upon that jetty singing of a parallel despair
We could have traveled every sea wild adventure every day if only if only she’d have asked me if only I’d thought to stay
If only I’d had the wisdom to stay…
[2020]
Extra special thanks for reading, I know it’s a long one. 🙂
The planets above wink down to me ‘It’s now or never’ they’re implying I feel her hand brush mine as we’re walking side by side her house is just around the corner I’m leaving town tomorrow it’s now or never…
A deep breath, I take I breathe deep stop my walking, suddenly she stops and turns to face me it’s now or never I tilt my head, crack a smile make a joke, stall a while and asking if I’m ‘okay?’ she steps one step toward me it’s now or never…
I take her warm hand in mine draw a breath deep down Think of all that could come of this she looks at our hands still holding then back up at me and for a moment we share a moment…
But I break our gaze walk her home hug her perfume divine and close as I walk away, alone again I concede, it’s never now; it’s never…
Boomeranging in the snowy streets it all comes back around to this; that loneliness breeds contempt for the company of others
Under a bridge by the station I kissed, when I was fifteen I kissed hard and passionate I kissed… no one Then, at sixteen, under that bridge or anywhere for that matter I kissed no one I just lay in my darkened room I lay in wait; alone
Ten years on and I’m still waiting but I’ve kissed, O, what I haven’t kissed isn’t worth mentioning yet I’m still waiting now
All the people there are talking still I’m happier alone, dreaming more comfortable on my own dreaming again of finding my place
While; under bridges down-town or by rivers, roads, colleges, canals I kiss all of them, all I couldn’t before each pair of lips, another conquest I’ll show the other me how things are done I’ll show him what he should have done
This howling wind rips through me this empty cavity screams deep such a thirst to contain something and when it does, it comes and goes I only ever know when it’s too late
And I kiss anything I’d kiss anything to understand this I’d kiss anyone to know just what is missing and I kiss anyone anyone but you…
The Lighthouse 