I used to hide it but my eyes would light up when you said you were ‘going away’ I used to sigh away the smile inside when you’d say ‘I’m going away…’
Lock our lips then we’d part You’d grow small, into the distance such beloved distance
I used to go wild when the time came around for spacious relaxation I’d go blind when you went away I took off my shirt wrote my new rules on all of the toilet walls while you were away
Filling all the holes with my freedom my deceit my complete my utter lack of respect for you while you were away
I’d be thirsty as a mountain unfeeling as a carcass I’d be roadkill if it pleased me to be O, how I wronged you while you were away
Always you’d come back and when you came back I’d be so prepared slip back into my cave We’d lock our lips and I’d grow small again now there was no distance no beloved distance
Don’t think there isn’t one single day I don’t regret one single day that I don’t turn away and wipe my eyes one single day as you kiss me that I don’t wish to die for what I did while you were away…
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Her fingers tracing mine Lily danced me out of the garden those green eyes brimming lively with purest abandon Then barefoot on the boardwalk her summer dress riding high she leapt onto the jetty and gestured to the sky
We let our tanned legs hang below as we bottomed up the bottle the air was hot and heavy the sea around us peaceful There was lust upon our minds as a veil upon a bride the deepest searing truths politely shot between our eyes
And no man could deny us loose and open all the time our hands and fingers; wanderers tongues locked in a rhyme By the spit between those kisses our burning lips were sewn her dress was barely there my body carved from stone
With each nail driven into skin I felt a clapping thunder the temple tapestry was tearing as she pierced my thin armour A melody sung upon her voice a lyric loudly grows I’d have gladly turned my back on all that I held close
We could have traveled every sea taking turns to lead the way if only if only she’d have asked me if only I’d thought to stay…
Dusk light falling on the harbour the day became a dream with toes curled round the boards she danced me to my feet in one movement I was shirtless in another she was naked a smiling glance was shared as we leapt with fingers knitted
Our kisses painted salty lungs burning between breaths the solution we had longed for as our bodies coalesced We swam until our limbs ached then floated side by side in the moonlit wideness of her eyes; another world, I spied
I was so thirsty for the moment and drank it all too quickly my mind got blurred and cloudy my greatest drunken folly Too naive to know the value of the treasure in my grip like sand through careless fingers I stood and watched it slip
There was water on three sides and only one path back to land but somewhere on that journey I somehow lost her hand Now, I wonder if she thinks of us a moment spared for all we shared does she ever sit upon that jetty singing of a parallel despair
We could have traveled every sea wild adventure every day if only if only she’d have asked me if only I’d thought to stay
If only I’d had the wisdom to stay…
[2020]
Extra special thanks for reading, I know it’s a long one. 🙂
The Lighthouse 