Click play to listen or right-click and ‘save as’ to download the MP3
The gulls above me, wild and free my song begins to echo theirs squawks of tuneless noise as I try to make some sense or to release something
Watching the breaking waves from a distance and then up close I’ve been nowhere but up and down the stairs of this hollow and lonely year
It’s hard to remember the good I do keeping other ships at safe distance as I patiently await the promised boat that will return me to the world and the smiling faces of my family
I fear I’m losing my peace of mind I sense the loosening pieces as my happiness erodes My song goes round and round as does the light I tend
Wild and free, used to be the way I chose to live Wild and free, an impulsive sea the way I chose to love
I wait so patiently on that coming boat that will return me to the world I used to love…
Pen devoid of poems adventure long overdue living room carpet growing long in the tooth I’m pining for movement so keen to get out I’ll go walking down to Holly Hagg
Little glimpses at normality haloed by golden rays There’s no poison in the idle river no politics in the quiet horse cantering to another chew
The clouds of working day part while I’m out walking bathed in nature’s endless beauty which never disappears only ever obscured by thought or perspective Eased back into focus on the road to Holly Hagg
With every step I take the tension unspools And there are words, waiting ideas that come to me pinned to ancient fenceposts nestled in the cracks between the stones making up the wall that keeps me on the road to Holly Hagg
The walk becomes a gallop blood pumping in my chest body now loose enough for every step to be a dance I am light and free as I close the distance on my prized poetry and the generous view expands beyond Holly Hagg…
Those stories we swap in the heat of the night Those secrets we share on the cool mattress springs Beyond the ears of the world the prying eye of the sun that’s where you’ll feel our friendship in full flight
In real life In real life
Those laughs that catch us loose and disarmed in a parked car at the riverside Those conversations deep that push through to the bone binding our minds in timeless chains of trust
In real life In real life
I sit before the mirror, this portal the exhausting window the only current pathway to our friendship and I wither So much thinner eyes zooming out
Staring at the word ‘real’ it starts to look odd to me have I spelled it wrong is everything rearranged jumbled by this dull familiarity eyes squinting hard
Does it mean our foundation is flawed if it doesn’t sing aloud through this disaster I know you’ll be there for me I am here and waiting O, the sooner we can be together the sooner we can laugh again
Click play or right-click and ‘save as’ to download the mp3.
Once around the sun with no touch from anyone with no fun
Such a strange and lonely time in the history of this planet I dream of little moments like brushing past you on the stairs your aroma so sweet upon my senses your hair so finely spun between my fingers
Round and round but never close enough In my past life it might be weeks, sometimes could be months between those shivering connections molten to the core on fire, inside another But now I count in “years”…
Heaven knows, we cracked the code perpetual motion– Won’t do what we’re told can’t douse our passion Forget trying to explain it I need hands-on demonstrations You and me weren’t meant to be alone
It’s been too long since I worked the buttons loose on your jeans It’s so long since I pulled your head to my bare chest let you listen to my heart Round and round yet never together Endless motion yet no connection
Now it’s once around the sun all these months without touch without caress without our fun
How I dream, how I burst for the memory of that breathless surrender eyes connecting and the quietly blinking pleasure as we shiver beside You bite my shoulder prolong the moment So many barren seasons, now O, I’ve been aching for you
My fingers/nails my fists/wrists so dissatisfied… My arms/sighs my thighs/hips so prone… Once around the sun so many months between without touch without caress without undress without breath O, an end must come…
[2021]
Thanks for reading.
A second collaboration with Bree from Secret Thoughts Within. We wanted to write a poem about two people who’d been kept apart for a year because of lockdown and this is what we came up with. I’ve been struggling to find the time or inspiration to write this winter but collaborating with someone else is a really good way to tease out ideas and keep going. Check out Bree’s fantastic writing and audio at https://secretthoughtswithin.com/
The sweetest memories hang like negatives in the dark room of my mind I develop them occasionally picturing again more exciting times
Yellows and browns begin to wash across the leaves outside my window I haven’t seen you in the flesh since those shoots were new it feels so long ago
We ran through those streets as if we owned them spinning endlessly from bar to bar from joke to joke in our abandon
Our last night in the city some nameless rooftop bar we watched the buildings making love to their reflections on the water A stranger took our photo sloshing glasses tucked behind our backs arms around each other’s shoulders smiles wider than the frame
I hope there will be other times another chance and soon to lose ourselves together in conversations deep in the bowels of dimly lit bars or the roof terraces decked with lanterns on endless summer evenings down bustling cobbled alleyways a community of revellers
O, these dusty memories bring me close to tears these dusty memories chase me round the house dreaming of a time when we can crawl out of our bunkers spend another night getting lost in the city finding each other…
The jailer, he’s invisible yet we’re reminded, daily he still stalks these corridors a violent crown upon his brow turning folk to dust My marker-pen tally on the wall begins to eats itself time moves differently here it’s a snake, a valley a constellation in this most-comfortable prison…
The weather has a mainline to my mood there’s a shadow in my mind it blooms or it recedes with the strength of that sun The days fluctuate resizing, bipolar claustrophobic or giftedly free to walk newly discovered lanes in this most-comfortable prison…
The smiling faces of old friends glimpsed, as if backwards through a telescope so far removed and blurred around the edges Our conversations stilted on satellite delay How I long to crack my usual sarcastic comments and not be inter- (timing is everything) -rupted in this most-comfortable prison…
From my favourite armchair I’ve been glued to screens feeling like a dog killing time until my next walk wondering of the world beyond these walls it all seems so dangerous but such a beautiful memory in this most-comfortable prison…
There are no other voices here yours and mine alone it goes to show how well we fit together I feel we’re closer now than ever Looking in the mirror this morning you remind me of that mantra we’re both repeating daily ‘you’re one of the lucky ones you’re one of the lucky ones in this most-comfortable prison…’
I had the opportunity to record a couple more of my poems this week. I’ve added them to the poetry playlist on my Soundcloud page. Feel free to have a listen.
The Lighthouse 